6 Tips to win a drinking contest without cheating

If you join a drinking contest better win it.

If you join a drinking contest, better win it.

We’re not really into drinking contests ourselves. We drink because we love it, not to show off. However from time to time you might run into someone who feels he has something to prove (probably compensating for something else) that won’t leave you alone. It’s totally understandable if you want to put these annoying types in their rightful place: under the table. Cause if you agree to have a drinking contest with someone, you better win. Now it’s easy to cheat your way through this one but that’s weak. That’s why we have 6 tips for you that increase your chances of winning.

1. Practice, practice, practice
Let’s say someone is bragging at the bar that he can outdrink you every day of the week and you take the challenge, you say something like “Next week, same time, same place, be there!” Not only does it sound cool, it also gives you a week to prepare. Take a week off from work if you must but the week in between you have to train your stamina. Put on the Rocky soundtrack and then it’s shots, shots, shots! Just remember to stay sober the day before (or maybe even 2 if you’re getting a little older and you don’t recover as well as you used to) the contest.

2. Drink in the morning
It seems weird to drink before the contest itself but it works. If you drink some in the morning till the point where you get tipsy, (most of) the alcohol will be out of your body by the time it’s evening. It normally takes the body about an hour to get one unit of alcohol out of the system. Look at this routine as warming up the engine. Your body already started breaking down alcohol, so by the time you start your drink off the factory is running full speed.

3. Have a heavy meals
After the drinks for breakfast be sure you have a solid lunch and diner. Eggs and bacon, followed by a firm pasta meal. Basically goes that the more carbs you get in, the better you can hold your liquor. And if the food is a little greasy that’s even better. The grease will form kind of a protective wall because it insulates the stomach line and other body parts, so there will be less alcohol absorbation.

4. Eat a stick of butter
This might sound disgusting, and it is. It is however a classic trick. When World War II was coming to an end the American and Russian troops first met in Torgau on April 25th, 1945. To celebrate that East met West the soldiers decided to have a drinking contest. Both armies selected their strongest drinkers. The Americans would drink Russian vodka and the Russians drank American whiskey. The rules were simple: last team standing would be declared winners. Well, the Russians won it easily but half an hour later the soldiers of the Red Army also collapsed. As it turned out each Russian soldier ate a stick of butter before the match. Because their stomachs were properly insulated the alcohol hit them later.
Instead of butter you can also have yourself a nice cup of olive oil.

5. Pick your favorite drink
It’s important to pick a drink that you can stand for a long time. Even though whisky, vodka, rum and tequila have basically the same percentage of alcohol your body probably reacts very different to all of them. So it’s important to pick one you know you can handle. And if you know your opponent’s history try to pick a drink that really screwed him up once. Did he ever vomit his guts out with sambuca, go for it. The negative association with this drink will win you the match without putting in an effort.

6. Something to clear the taste
When you are having your contest it’s good to have something on the table to clear the taste. From time to time a shot may not go down well, then a glass of water is a life saver. Some sour pickles or salty nuts can also do the trick. But remember not to drink or eat after every shot. It will make you look like a pansy. Only in emergencies casually grab for your life buoy.

Micky Bumbar

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10 thoughts on “6 Tips to win a drinking contest without cheating

  1. 7. Down a cup of salt BEFORE the event and yu’ll be so thirsty you will be famished for liquids.
    8. Wear a diaper; all that booze will make your bladder burst. HAAA-HAAA!! 🙂
    9. Don’t wear a belt; this will allow your belly to expand better.
    10. Be pissed at the world. You’ll have a heartier desire to imbibe to oblivion.

    Liked by 1 person

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