10 Catchy Phrases About Alcohol Free Beer

No good story ever started with a crate of alcohol free beer.

Sadly we live in a day and age where big brands, inspired by abstinent idiots, are trying to make people believe that alcohol free beer is in fact beer. It’s not. It’s a completely different drink, for it has never fermented and lacks one of the key ingredients: alcohol. Nobody ever in the history of the world had a legendary adventure that started off with a crate of alcohol free beer. Nobody found the courage to ask out the love of his life after a few 0.0’s. And nobody ever yelled out a well-meant “woohoooo!”, when a new keg was rolled in. Since we can’t emphasize enough how shitty alcohol free beer is, we came up with a 10 catchy phrases for you to remember.

  1. Alcohol free beer is… Like making sweet love to an inflatable woman.
  2. Alcohol free beer is… Like watching a sports game where they don’t keep score.
  3. Alcohol free beer is… Like visiting Italy to eat at McDonalds.
  4. Alcohol free beer is… Like watching porn on the radio.
  5. Alcohol free beer is… Like checking into the Hilton penthouse and sleep on the floor.
  6. Alcohol free beer is… Like paying a hooker 200 bucks an hour to do your taxes.
  7. Alcohol free beer is… Like paying your accountant 200 bucks for a blowjob.
  8. Alcohol free beer is… Like getting to ride a Ferrari with an empty tank.
  9. Alcohol free beer is… Like drinking alcohol free beer. Come on, we’re drinkers. Do we really need a metaphor for this?
  10. Alcohol free beer is… Like making love to a family member. She may have most of the right parts, but what you’re doing is disgusting!

    Micky Bumbar

Related articles on Lords of the Drinks:

10 Terrible Beers that Pollute the International Beer Scene

20 Funny Proverbs from Holland About Drinking

The Hardest to Impossible Things to Say when Drunk

8 Dangerous Combinations of Shots and Beer

11 Hilarious Drunken Snowmen

7 thoughts on “10 Catchy Phrases About Alcohol Free Beer

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s