The night we took over the world

We did what the Pinky and the Brain couldn't accomplish in 65 episodes.

We did what the Pinky and the Brain couldn’t accomplish in 65 episodes: take over the world.

Time for a new real life drinking story.  It’s  about a night that would be remembered (figure of speech of course, since the protagonists in this story suffered from major black-outs) as ‘the night we took over the world’. We’ll explain that in a bit. Two words that will cling to this story forever are “No Mercy”. The club in the Bulgarian capital Sofia with this name couldn’t have picked a better one. With 20 leva (ten euro) entrance and all the whisky you could drink, this place was the promised land for true drinkers. Time to pick this story up from the beginning.

It was the fall of 2011. Your LOTD-writer Micky was invited by his Bulgarian friend Sasho to come to the capital for the weekend. By that time both were part of an elite group of students from their university that had a sweet tooth for all alcoholic beverages. After a while they developed a running gag, borrowed from te cartoon the Pinky and the Brain. In the morning one would ask the other ‘what are we gonna do tonight?’ The answer being: “Same as we do every night, try to take over the world.” And since they were having a decent amount of drinks every night soon ‘trying to take over the world’ soon became a synonym for getting shitfaced.

Many mornings the guys of the drunken synod looked eachother in the watery eyes and concluded that they didn’t really managed to take over the world yet. “Oh, but we were so close. We just had to keep on trying and then one of these days…”

Well and then there was the weekend in Sofia. Sasho and Micky started off in an Irish Pub, drinking pints. To make the situation a little more fun they decided to pile up the empty beer glasses and create a tower that should reach to the ceiling. The lads were off to a solid start when the waitress wanted to take our empty glasses. They kindly told her that she couldn’t, since there was an important architectonic project in progress. When the tower was 4 pints high and the guys ordered another round of beers, the owner of the pub stepped in and snatched the tower right from under their noses. Sasho and Micky realized they had to be clever to make the project work. So just before they finished their glasses, they ordered four more pints. The ambitious builders managed to keep all six glasses out of the hands of any waitress and built a 6 pint tower.

At this point they really started to believe in the mission, but when they raised a hand to order, the building project was rudely disturbed for the second time. Sasho and Micky decided to give it one more go and ordered six new pints. As they each poured down three, a friend of Sasho walked in. After a curious look at the construction place he told them about a chalga club that just opened up in Sofia. For only 20 leva you could drink all night long, even the hard stuff. This was music to the ears of the self-proclaimed construction workers. Especially when the waitress shattered their tower and their dream of ever reaching the ceiling for the third time. Both guys by that time drunk a solid 5 liters of beer, but were still extremely thirsty and a place called No Mercy, oh boy!

Club No Mercy in Sofia, a legendary place.

Club No Mercy in Sofia, a legendary place.

When they arrived to the scene, it was exactly as described. After paying 20 leva each they got to a nice club with a dancing stage and various tables to drink. At the bar one could get all the whisky and cola  he wanted, plus buckets of ice. Sasho and Micky got to work, ordering four glasses of whisky per time. Now from there on things got more and more blurry. The last thing they remembered was socializing with some Bulgarians. Since Dutchman Micky was a foreigner, Sasho thought it would be a good idea to present himself as a foreigner too, letting the guys tell him all about his own city. Now that’s as far as they remember that night.

But fortunatly there was an eyewitness that could tell them all about the arrival at home. While they were trying to open the front door of Sasho’s house, his mother was watching this process through the window. For half an hour she saw her beloved son and his friend passing the key back and forward, saying ‘Oh, I can’t get it to fit’ and ‘Here, let me try it’. She must have been so proud. Well, the next day Sasho and Micky were trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together, when slowly they came to a conclusion: “We did it, we finally did it. Yesterday we took over the world.”

A mix of emotions followed: happiness for furfilling the holy mission, followed by great sadness for no longer having a goal in life and in the end satisfaction when they realized the battle had only just begun. From then on they had to hold on to the world. Which obviously meant they couldn’t forsake a single day. And from then on if anybody asked what they’re gonna do tonight, they answer: “Same as we do every night, try to hold on to the world!”

Micky Bumbar

You want to read more true drunk stories? Check out our collection.

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