Drunk joke: Ireland declares war on France

The best plans are made at the bar of an Irish pub.

The best plans are made at the bar of an Irish pub.

Since the 11th we weren’t really capable of telling jokes (something with waking up extremely late, a head ache and being properly fucked), we’ll do it now. It’s Friday and what better way to start the weekend than with a laugh. Here’s an Irish pub joke. Enjoy it…

At the office of the French president the phone rings. Mister Hollande answers it and from the other side of the line a voice says: “This is Paddy from Ireland. I am ringing you from The Old Dublin pub to inform you that we officially declare war on you!”

Hollande replies: “Well Paddy, that is indeed important news. How big is your army?”

“Right now,” says Paddy, after a moment’s calculation, “there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!”

Hollande laughs amused and says: “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100.000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.”

“Fuck me!” says Paddy. “I’ll have to ring you back.”

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. “Mr. Hollande, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!”

“And what equipment would that be Paddy?”, Hollande asks.

“Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy’s farm tractor.”

Hollande again seems rather amused. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6.000 tanks and 5.000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150.000 since we last spoke.”

“Saints preserve us!” says Paddy. “I’ll have to get back to you.”

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. “Mr. Hollande, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!”

Hollande was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200.000 men!”

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” says Paddy, “I will have to ring you back.”

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. “Top o’ the mornin’, Mr. Hollande! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.”

“Really? I am sorry to hear that,” says Hollande. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“Well,” says Paddy, “we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and we decided there is no fucking way we can feed 200.000 prisoners.

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