The effects of alcohol are different for every person. Also your own mood, as well as the atmosphere around you, can determine what kind of metamorphose you experience as soon as the booze kicks in. It can be fun to see all these drunken personalities mingling in one big crowd in a bar or at a party. It’s even possible for people to shapeshift into several of these in a single night. The Aztecs may have found 400 levels of intoxication, but here are the 33 drunken personalities we came up with…

1. The Crippled
This is the guy or girl whose locomotion fails first, before other body functions. He or she is stumbling, bumping into people, falling down, getting up and holding onto the bar while trying to convince the barkeeper he should pour another drink. The way home can be a very long one, when they are too stubborn to catch a cab.

2. The Speech
This is the person who loses the ability to speak properly. He’s mumbling and making up words. Nobody understands him, but some just laugh politely as ‘the speech’ bursts into laughter after what was apparently a punchline.

3. The Voice
Unlike the previous drunk personality this one has no problem to make himself heard. The opposite is true. The voice is talking non stop, breaking into conversations no matter what the topic is.

4. The Arguer
Even more annoying than The Voice perhaps is The Arguer. The person at the party that starts discussions with everyone. No matter what your stand is, he’ll have the opposite. Hang around this person too long and you’ll be exhausted by the end of the night.

5. The Hungry Hippo
This is the person with enormous appetite as soon as the drinks kick in. The kind of person that is constantly trying to drag your group away from the bar to get some kebab or a slice of pizza. If you don’t give in to the nagging, be sure there won’t be a peanut or lemon slice left in the place, cause the hungry hippo ate them all.

6. Santa
This person becomes extremely generous once he had a few drinks. Rounds for the whole group, as well as complete strangers, keep coming up. Even rounds for the whole bar are in order, if Santa feels jolly enough.

7. The Dancer
As soon as this person is pissed there’s only one place to be and that’s the dance floor. It doesn’t even matter what the DJ puts on. Fist bumping the air, grinding and spinning around. The only excuse to leave the dance floor briefly is for refills.

8. The Untouchable
This is the one person in the company of whom you can never say for sure if he or she is drunk. This one just doesn’t change at all in behaviour, no matter how much liquor goes in. The sober drunk will never make an ass of her/himself, but is this person really enjoying a drunk night out?

9. The Socializer
As soon as this person is drunk he or she is on a mission to talk to everyone in the place. Casual acquaintances or complete strangers, for tonight they are all considered best friends.

10. The Caller
Unlike the socializer, this person is not too interested in the people around. The focus is completely on his or her mobile phone. You’re drunk and all of your friends must know about it. If they don’t reply to any drunken midnight texts right away, you should just give them a call and tell them how much you wish they were there.

11. The Fighter
This is the aggressive drunk. No matter what happens this night, there will be some fighting involved, that’s for sure. Could be for somebody looking at you the wrong way or spilling your drink, a simple apology just won’t do it. This insult can only be revenged with blood.

12. The Bitch in Heat
As soon as the alcohol kicks in, so do the basic natural instincts. There are just three things on this person’s mind: sex, sex and more sex. Even if all the cute people are taken or not interested, there is simply no way you’re going home alone tonight.

13. The Flirt
Unlike the bitch in heat, this person doesn’t necessarily care about the deed itself. But when drunk he or she does like to do the mating dance. Flirting, teasing and enjoying the attention.

14. The Adventurer
This is the person who gets in the mood to get into adventures when drunk. Climb the roof of an abandoned building, take a lama for a tram ride, join an illegal poker game or go skinny dipping in the city fountain. Drunk moments should lead to epic stories to tell.

15. The Ghost
The person who always goes missing at some point in the night. This is the one who silently exits the scene every time he or she is properly drunk. It may worry the others the first times, but they get used to it as the ghost disappears in the night more often.

16. The Creator
This is the person who feels artistic when the booze kicks in. He or she simply wants to create something beautiful while the buzz lasts. It can be a drawing on a coaster or an impressive fortress out of empty beer glasses.

17. The Hyena
This is the person who is constantly laughing about everything. The stories or jokes don’t even have to be funny, at this point anything will be greeted with almost hysterical laughter.

18. The Waterfall
The opposite of the hyena is the waterfall. Whenever drunk this person gets emotional and bursts into tears. No matter if it’s love sickness, a troubled childhood or the fact that puppies all over the world are dying every day, there’s always something to cry about.

19. The Jackass
This person just loves to do stupid things when drunk, most of the times hurting him- or herself while doing them. From eating a beer glass to homemade piercings with a stapler, the stupider the funnier.

20. The Instigator
This is the kind of  person who loves the same stupid shit as the jackass, but would never do them. Instead he or she tries to convince others in the company to make a fool of themselves as he or she is shooting new Youtube material.

21. The Philosopher
The person who gets very philosophic when intoxicated. He or she tries to get into deep and meaningful conversations with everyone. It’s not always easy to find solutions for wars or hunger when your company is more interested in discussing body parts of the opposite sex.

22. The Puker
There’s always a person in your company who has a bit of a weak stomach. No matter what drinks you’re having, at some point it just wants to come out. For the others usually an indicator that the final round is approaching.

23. The Denier
This is the person who is clearly drunk, but tries to keep a straight face as he tells everyone he is not. Well, tipsy at most, but definitely not drunk, sir!

24. The Dreamer
This person is the one who makes all the great future plans when drunk. “After this study, travel the world for a year, do a Master abroad and then start my own company”. In the end nothing ever changes, but it’s not a bad thing to dream.

25. The Hugger
Some people just get very affectionate when they drink. This person is constantly hugging and kissing everyone in the joint, telling them how great it is they are here too. Nothing wrong with sharing a little love.

26. The Stripper
Clothes can feel very smothering to some when intoxicated. There are always some people who feel they need to take some of them off after a few glasses. It can be as innocent as dancing without a shirt to running around completely naked.

27. The Stand-Upper
Normally this one seems like a pretty standard kid, kind of boring actually. But after a few drinks the jokes come out and when he or she gets properly sauced, we have a real comedian in the room.

28. The Mute
Not to be confused with the untouchable. This person is definitely feeling the effect of alcohol, but decides to keep quiet in the hope that nobody notices. He or she just sits in the corner, giving not more than a smile when looked upon.

29. The Drifter
The person who can’t seem to (or doesn’t want to) stay with the group. He or she is just walking around the bar, living in an own world.

30. The Kleptomaniac
Some people just feel like stealing something when they’re drunk. Of course this can be a useful thing like a bottle from the bar, but most of the times we are talking useless items. Maybe a psychologist can explain why drunk kleptomaniacs feel the urge to take souvenirs like salt shakers, paintings and menu cards, but it happens a lot.

31. Shit for Brains
And there’s the person who already suffers from forgetfulness before the morning after. The type that introduces himself 8 times a night to the same people. Or the one who knows you very well, just forgot your name, where you met, with whom and doing what.

32. The Narcoleptic
For some people it seems kind of hard to keep their eyes open once the booze kicks in. These are the folks who don’t want to go home and crawl in bed. That’s too far and they are tired right now. A vacant sofa or simply by resting the head on the bar is a much faster way to catch some Z’s.

33. The Smasher
Some just enjoy the thrill of smashing something when they’re drunk. In many cases these actions are quite innocent, like breaking a glass in a bar. But sometimes people go on a real rampage. Still something completely different than the fighter we discussed. This is vandalism.

Micky Bumbar

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